Day 5 was just an absolute bust. At this point I was cranky and frustrated and restless. I just wasn’t happy with how my pants fit, how I looked and I definitely wasn’t a fan of how I felt. I couldn’t bring myself to motivate myself at all. I just simmered in my stew of bitterness and hate. I hated me that day in all of its intensity. I didn’t even want to wake up to go to work. But as it was expected, I got up, dressed up and went to work.
But since it was a Friday, my office holds a reading of Surah Yassin followed by food of course. Food and food and more food. (Can you sense my frustration at this point?). Of course true to the working culture here, we didn’t do much then it was lunch time. 🎉 My friend drove out all the way to my forsaken work place (it is quite far and sort of isolated) to drive me out for lunch. He got me KFC. I appreciate the gesture but *facepalm you know? After lunch time (which is 11:30-2:30 on Fridays), I came back to the office and one of the technicians bought burger and iced milo from Ayamku for my friend and I. *a more intense facepalm.
I didn’t run or do Pilates that day either. I just ate and ate and ate and became more and more bitter/angry/frustrated. Needless to say I wasn’t a very pleasant person to deal with.
Day 6. This is it baby. I got to finally sleep in. This is the first Saturday I’ve had since I started my work attachment where I didn’t have any plans or engagements to attend. It was wonderful. I made yogurt. I love yogurt. At home, we don’t buy ready made yogurt anymore. We make these EasiYo ones which my friend kindly brought back from Australia 🇦🇺 for me. However, there’s something wrong with our incubator now 😭. I think it’s because someone washed it (you’re not supposed to). But it’s alright. The texture just comes out coarser and we have to incubate the yogurt twice. But still yogurt right?
After that, I made steamed kueh lapis (layer cake). That turned out alright. Not great but alright though the pan I used was too big. Oops. Then, miracle of all miracles, despite “not feeling like it“, I went running 🏃🏻♀️. I ran about 1km without stopping 🎈. But that feeling of accomplishment I felt didn’t even live to be a minute old because these guys who have been running nonstop ran past me and they were so effortless. Not to mention these aunties (who look like park veterans) and I just started comparing my achievement of the day to theirs. I also wonder if these park veterans are annoyed at the Pokemon Go players as much as I was. They were blocking the path; causing me to break my stride. I tried hard to be proud of myself but I was crushed under my self-condemnation. So to “punish” myself, I went home to do some Pilates.
Felt better after Pilates. Maybe because I feel that I’ve done “enough”. Which is rubbish. I should have been proud of myself. From struggling to even run 200m, I managed to run 1km without stopping. I did good. But baby steps right? 👣 Baby steps in learning to be proud of myself and the small small victories. In the meantime, I’m just weathering out this pre-time-of-the-month bloating. It’s a hassle really but I have to learn to be gentle to my body.
Till then. 👋🏼