Long distance anything is difficult. Long distance friendships. Long distance relationships. Even long distance phone calls and travels.
There really is no way around it and I’m not here to give any advice or anything (except maybe when it comes to long distance travels, try not to fly with a budget airline because you’ll realise leg room is important and you can’t really be roaming up and down the aisle for the whole duration of the flight). I suppose this is more of me letting you know what I’ve learned along the way.
I’ve been subjected to both long distance relationships and friendships for the past 5 years or so and I still hate it. Well I have no one to “blame” but myself for the relationships as they were my choice but I feel like I can share the “blame” for the long distance (best) friendship with well, my friend who flew off to study. I’m not bitter about it, I’m just saying it’s difficult and ultimately I get insecure. Do you?
I’m afraid we won’t be friends anymore or if we are still friends, we won’t be as close. Or maybe since our experiences no longer match up and she has other friends, then I’ll be replaced. In terms of relationships, I am afraid that he would stop loving me or he would cheat on me (horrible thoughts I know) and so on and so forth. You get the idea. I think in moments like these, it is absolutely important for me to know who I am. “Oh no. It’s another one of those self love posts!” I hear you exclaim. Well, I suppose it is but it also isn’t? *shrugs
I have come to learn that I have to know who I am and my self worth thoroughly to get me through this time. I also have this urge or desire to share every part of my day (if I could) with (either) my friend and/or my boyfriend. While in theory the gesture is sweet, it honestly might get annoying. So I have had to learn to filter my thoughts and only occasionally share them in great details (to my initial disappointment). I have also learned that journaling is a good outlet for my thoughts and such.
I think above all, the thing that holds these long distance anything together is trust. Lots and lots of trust. So if you’ve found some then get them in bulk because when it gets tough and it doesn’t feel the same, you have to trust that you’re fine. Of course, sometimes you have to bring things up. I have to bring things up and so timing is also really important. I’m not about to bring up these topics that might potentially result in an argument when the other party is under a lot of stress or has something important coming up. It just makes communication ineffective.
So I have had countless days (and nights) where I’ve told myself to calm down and that I’m being crazy. That I’m overthinking and I’m over-analysing things. Most days I’m correct. There were no reasons to worry. But again, in some situations, you’re not crazy, you’re not overthinking and you most definitely are not over-analysing. You know your friendship/relationship the best. So sleep on things. Don’t act out irrationally. I think that’s the most important bit. Don’t be driven by emotion if ever you have to confront or bring up anything. Be level headed and calm and for the love of humanity, don’t start the conversation with accusations (even if they may be true).
So I suppose at the end of all this, this isn’t a post about self love, it’s a post about the things I’ve learned and hopefully if you’re having a bad time right now and trying to weather through the stormy long distance thing, you’ll find a kindred soul here (and learn from my mistakes – i.e. accusing and lashing out when driven by emotions).